QUESTION: This is a very difficult letter for me to write.
My husband has always been a loving and affectionate man, and we have enjoyed our married relationships deeply.
Recently he had a heart attack, from which he seems to have recovered quite nicely.
However, though he now does all the physical things he did before the attack, we still have not resumed our relationship. I think he is frightened.
Is there anything I can do or say to help him regain his manhood?
ANSWER: I can fully understand that writing this letter was not an easy task for you, but I compliment you on the delicate language you used to convey your meaning and the courage you displayed in forwarding this letter to me. Talking about sex is not simple for many people, and may be one of the problems your husband is facing as well.
There are a great many aspects to overcoming a heart attack, and the mental and emotional are just as important as the physical.
Along with the pain and doubt, are the fears, anxieties and depression that can affect the way the patient acts.
In many cases these feelings reduce the libido or desire for a period that extends beyond the actual recovery time necessary for the heart to heal.
Sometimes the fear of the dangers of physical sexual activity loom large in the mind, and often are exaggerated.
Actually, though sexual activity does require some physical energy, it is not excessively strenuous or dangerous.
Tests to determine the amount of energy required for this act have demonstrated that it is about equal to climbing two flights of stairs.
If your husband can accomplish that without symptoms or difficulty, he most probably has nothing to fear from sex activity itself.
Should symptoms arise during sex, such as chest pain for example, you can always stop and then consult your physician.
However, your relations should resume gradually, after quiet times and not when there are moments of other psychological stress or strain.
Your ability to reassure your husband that his need to perform is not an issue at this time, and to engage in a variety of loving caresses can provide just the right atmosphere necessary for a return to all that existed before his attack.
The material contained here is "FOR INFORMATION ONLY" and should not replace the counsel and advice of your personal physician.
Promptly consulting your doctor is the best path to a quick and successful resolution of any medical problem.
